What are the characteristics of people who are liked by others? "Even though they don't have outstanding looks or special skills, just being with that person brightens the mood and softens the atmosphere of the place."
You can't help but feel good about people you feel comfortable around. No wonder people gather around. Don't you think, "I want to be a person with high likability!"?
I will introduce what kind of characteristics people like, along with specific ways to become a person who is liked.
Characteristics of people who are liked by others< /h2>
First of all, I will explain the characteristics of people who are strangely liked by those around them.
Good listeners
A good listener is easy to like. While giving a nod, he listens intently with interest... If you find someone like that, you'll be happy and you might end up talking too much.
Mr. Dale Carnegie, the author of the world-famous best-seller "Moving People", listed "becoming a listener" as one of the "principles of being liked by people." Based on Carnegie's own experience.
Mr. Carnegie himself spoke very little and only listened intently. The person I spoke with said he praised Mr. Carnegie to other people.
Why did you make a good impression just by being a listener? According to Mr. Carnegie, listening that shows genuine interest in the story is "the greatest compliment we can give anyone."
Persons who are good listeners tend to be trusted and have a positive impression, saying, "This person recognizes me."
Good at remembering names
Some people make a good impression because they are good at remembering names. If someone you've only met once calls you by name, you'll be happy that they remembered you!
Mr. Carnegie cites "learning names" as one of the principles that people like, and preaches as follows.
(Source: Written by Dale Carnegie, Translated by Hiroshi Yamaguchi (2016), "Move People (Bunko Edition)", Sogensha. Emphasis in bold is provided by the editorial department)
It is important to remember that the name is the most pleasant and most important sounding word for the person. Names are very important to humans. By having my name remembered, I feel that my existence is respected.
Expressing Gratitude
Wouldn't it make your heart warm if someone said "thank you" for even the slightest kindness?
People who are liked by those around them remember what they have done for them and express their sincere gratitude. Just saying "thank you very much" bluntly may be seen as a courtesy and may not resonate with the other person.
According to communication expert Mai Kuwano, pleasant people are creative in how they communicate. It seems that we will clarify who and what we are grateful for, and we will add gratitude not only at that time but also in the past.
"Thank you very much for responding to the email I sent you the other day. You are always helpful!" You may feel that someone who remembers you from the past is a good person.
People who are liked remember events that they thanked someone and try to say "thank you" frequently.
Cleanliness
If you look clean, people tend to like you. Brain scientist Nobuko Nakano cites the "halo effect" as the reason why "a little better looks are better" and explains as follows.
(Source: Nobuko Nakano (2012), ``What world-class people are always doing - taught by a world-renowned brain scientist!'', Ascom.)
The halo effect is based on an experiment by American psychologist Leonard Bickman.
- Leave a dime in the phone box
- After someone enters the box, ask "Is there a dime?"
The percentage of people who answered successfully and returned the dime varied greatly depending on how the questioner was dressed. Less than 80% of those who were well-dressed, and more than 30% of those who were not dirty. If you have a clean appearance, you will be judged as "a decent person" and give a sense of security, so you will be treated favorably.
People who are liked have the characteristic of making the surroundings feel positive, such as being happy and relaxing just by being near them.
How to become a person who is liked
I introduced four characteristics of people who are liked. What should I do to acquire these characteristics? "From now on, I will explain how to become a person who is liked."
Be creative with your responses
People who are liked are good listeners. If you're not good at listening to other people, why don't you try your hand at agitating?
According to freelance announcer Rie Uozumi, the difference between "a person who is good at listening" and "a person who is not" is a response. Mr. Uozumi introduces the pattern of aizuchi that increases favorability as follows. Please use them properly.
According to Mr. Uozumi, ``Knowing your own tendencies is the first step to good listening.'' Get permission to record the conversation. Understand your response and correct any points that differ from the above pattern.
In order to become a person who is trusted and liked by the other person, let's practice "relationship polishing".
Associating Names with Appearances
If you can remember people's names, you'll be more likely to like them. But it's surprisingly difficult to match a face with a name.
According to Naoya Hirata, a Japanese record holder in memory competitions, it is difficult to remember people's faces and names because "there is no necessity that the person with that face has that name." The memory technique devised by Mr. Hirata is the "tagging method."
Thetag expresses the impression of the other person in a single sentence. Tagging is a technique for remembering by associating visual impressions with names.
1. Express your visual impression in a single sentence
First, think of a "tag" based on your impression of the other person's appearance.
[Example]
Name: Mr. Shirai Tags: Fair-skinned, Tall, Similar to 〇〇
Let's decide on one from multiple tags. Pick something that makes you think, "If I met that person again, I'd tag them again."
2. Linking tags and names using the story method
The "story method" is a technique for making a story about what you want to remember and memorizing it all at once. Proceed in the manner of an association game.
If the start (tag) → goal (name) is a straight line, any association is fine.
[Example]
Fair-skinned people ↓ Speaking of fair-skinned, Mr. Shirai
3. Recall the tag and play the story
The next time you see someone, look at their appearance and remember if you tagged them. If you remember tagging, try expressing your impression of the other person in one sentence.
If you get the same impression as the first tag, the story will automatically play and you can remember the name.
[Example]
"You're a fair-skinned person... Oh, if you're talking about white-skinned, it's Mr. Shirai!"
These are techniques for remembering by associating visual impressions with names. If you're not good at remembering people's names, give it a try.
Get creative with how you express your gratitude
People who are good at expressing their gratitude tend to be liked. If you make eye contact and smile and say, "Thank you," or say, "Thank you for the matter the other day."
According to Mr. Kuwano mentioned above, in order to be seen as pleasant, it is necessary to express gratitude in a way that reaches the other person's heart. Whether face-to-face or by email, it is important to clearly express "who" and "what" you are grateful for.
Mr. Kuwano himself said in a work email, ``Thank you very much for taking time out of your busy schedule to respond.'' Then, the person who had only exchanged emails said, "Even before we met, I thought Mr. Kuwano was a very polite person."
Even if it's face-to-face, email, or phone, by telling "who" and "what" you're thankful for, "thank you" becomes a bloody word. A likable person expresses gratitude in a way that resonates with the other person.
Make a Good Appearance
If you want people to like you, consider your appearance. By dressing cleanly, you will be recognized as a “proper person” and will be more likely to be trusted.
According to Mr. Nakano mentioned above, "If the ability is the same, the one with the better appearance wins." It is said that it is good to research hairstyles and clothes that look good on you, and to practice facial expressions that look attractive in front of the mirror.
In his early twenties, Mr. Nakano himself was worried that his appearance did not give him a favorable impression. While thinking about how to make him feel good, he started aiming for "the image of the person the other person wants".
Ask yourself, ``What kind of person would he trust?'' If you assume that you are a "sincere and intelligent person", simple and clean clothes and hairstyles are effective. It is best to avoid wearing flashy clothes.
If you feel that you may be losing out on your appearance...?
＊＊＊Characteristics of a “likeable person” are to give a sense of security and trust with casual consideration, and to make people around them feel comfortable. Use this article as a reference to improve your behavior and appearance.
(Reference) Nobuko Nakano (2012), ``What world-class people are always doing - taught by a world-renowned brain scientist! ”, Written by Ascom Dale Carnegie, Translated by Hiroshi Yamaguchi (2016), “Move People (Bunko Edition)”, Sogensha, Katsuhiko Suzuki ed. Learning: Turning the attention of those who are interested in love or work ”, President Publishing, Rie Uozumi (2017), ``Textbook of listening skills that makes conversation lively in just one minute and gives a better impression'', Toyo Keizai Shinposha, Mai Kuwano ( 2018), "The way people like you speak, the way you use words that make them trustworthy - you want to imitate them", Impress. Naoya Hirata (2019), "The World's Strongest Memorization Technique: Place Method", Discover Twenty One. Toyo Keizai Online｜" Memorizing tips for people who have trouble remembering names
[Writer Profile] After graduating from Kamikawa Manyo Law School, studied modern European history at graduate school. He has experience learning German and Czech. A qualified librarian and curator, he worked in a university library for over ten years. He is especially good at research and book introductions, and has written many articles about study methods and work styles.
